The Wall: An Inadvertent Argument For The Ban On Natural Born Citizens

Disclaimer: For full disclosure, this is basically a satirical criticism of the wall as a policy and arguments being made by Republicans frequently. I am not actually advocating for banning the birth of natural born citizens.

The political climate has proven to me one major thing. There is a large percentage of Americans that care about violent crime rates in their country. They have begun to call for a wall to be built along the southern border because they claim that illegal immigrants are dangerous and need to be stopped from coming here. The proponents of the wall argue that keeping out illegal immigrants will cause a reduction in violent crime. Let’s take this principle of “kick out the dangerously criminal group” to it’s extreme. If we follow this principle to it’s logical extreme, what is the best course of action, given the data on the subject?

Crime Rates of Illegal Immigrants

So, we we need to find some justification for banning all illegal immigrants from coming here and spending billions of dollars to forcefully put a stop to it. This justification should be that they have some kind of unusually high crime rate per capita when compared to United States citizens and legal immigrants. What does the research show us?

Does Undocumented Immigration Increase Violent Crime? by Michael T. Light and Ty Miller

This study looked at crime rates in all 50 states and Washington D.C across the country from 1990 to 2014. What did they find?

The results from fixed-effects regression models reveal that undocumented immigration does not increase violence. Rather, the relationship between undocumented immigration and violent crime is generally negative, although not significant in all specifications.

Oh, so the rate of various crimes goes down as illegal immigrants go up in population. But why do Republicans tell me that illegal immigrants are a grave risk to the nation? Maybe this study is a fluke, there are other studies available that might give us the background to justify the wall.

Criminal Immigrants: Their Numbers, Demographics, and Countries of Origin by Michelangelo Landgrave and Alex Nowrasteh

The CATO Institute has usually sided with the Republicans and their views for a few decades now, surely they will demonstrate that illegal immigrants surely are especially dangerous!

All immigrants are less likely to be incarcerated than natives relative to their shares of the population. Even illegal immigrants are less likely to be incarcerated than native-born Americans.

Well that isn’t very convenient. However, maybe, just maybe, these illegal immigrants don’t get incarcerated they get deported or they are better at evading crime! Surely an equivalent study but using crime rates instead of incarceration rates would be the best way to justify the wall.

Criminal Immigrants in Texas: Illegal Immigrant Conviction and Arrest Rates for Homicide, Sex Crimes, Larceny, and Other Crimes By Alex Nowrasteh

Here we go, because illegal immigrants may get convicted or arrested, but not necessarily incarcerated for their alleged large number of violent crimes, I’m sure this study will help justify the wall with data. It may only be restricted to Texas, but Texas is right on the border so you would expect to see the most pronounced effect here, which should serve the Republican agenda nicely!

In Texas in 2015, the criminal conviction and arrest rates for immigrants were well below those of native-born Americans. Moreover, the conviction and arrest rates for illegal immigrants were lower than those for native-born Americans. This result holds for most crimes.

Well, I think we have enough data to draw a meaningful conclusion. The evidence is clear and we must take action against this disproportionately violent group of people that plague our lands…

The Final Proposal: Ban The Birth Of Natural Citizens To Prevent Crime

The only way to truly reduce excessive violent crime rates and expensive incarcerations that stress our already overburdened justice system is clear. Natural Born Citizens as a group are the most dangerous people to our safe American way of life. Who’s with me?

I for one am tired of these criminals that don’t have to be born in the first place being allowed to commit crimes on day. Every crime committed by a natural born citizen was a crime that could have been prevented by a ban on births within our nation’s borders. In fact, to prevent further crimes but to assuage the population’s proclivity toward having children… I say we institute a policy of paid trips out of the country to resorts around the world so the child can be born in other places than the US, raised there for a short time, and then immigrated back into the United States so they are less likely to be a threat to our citizens.

Forced Emigration of Newborns and a Ban on the Birth of Natural Citizens are the policies that must be enacted to put an end to this senseless violence from these disproportionately dangerous groups of people, Natural Born Citizens.

Thanks for reading.

AGAIN, Disclaimer: For full disclosure, this is basically a satirical criticism of the wall as a policy and arguments being made by Republicans frequently. I am not actually advocating for banning the birth of natural born citizens.

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